Suddenly Single

Grieving the loss of a relationship is painful. The process of recovery is similar to mourning.

Below are 5 common stages of grief a person goes through when mourning the loss of a relationship.

Helpful Tips if You Suddenly Find Yourself Single

It's okay to be angry with God. He has big shoulders and expressing your anger isn’t damaging your relationship with Him. God accepts your feelings and hears your pain. This is part of walking through this season of your life with God and seeing His love in action in your pain.

Let yourself feel what you are feeling. This doesn’t mean you don’t have faith or are not trusting God enough. It means you are a person made in God’s image, who can feel pain, hurt, frustration, sadness and anger just has God does.

Don't deny yourself time to grieve. Write a letter to God, keep a journal of your feelings, speak to a trusted friend, have people pray for and over you, take time out to be alone, do something to help someone else. Search the word for God’s comfort and promises to you during this time.

All these things can and do minister to the grieving heart.

1. Denial – The "No, not me" stage.

First there is the initial pain of shock and confusion, as if what is taking place is not real. This stage is filled with disbelief and denial. You might expect him to call you, text or walk through the door. If you partner initiated the break you may hope that he will change his mind and come back.

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An educational resource for women of faith preparing for dating and marriage relationships and those recovering from a break up or divorce

2. Anger/Resentment – The "Why me?" stage.

Feelings of anger begin to creep in, which can be directed at your ex, friends, family and God. You will feel angry at him and angry with yourself. You may not be able to think about him without remembering all the unsaid things, the hurtful comments and behaviours and injustices that took place.

3. Bargaining – The "If I do this, you'll do that" stage.

During this stage, one of you might approach the other and negotiate to change the situation. You or your ex might say, 'if you’ll stay I will change’. You may bargain with God and question your convictions and choices.

This stage can also come before the anger stage, if one or both of you try to re-negotiate and bring the relationship back together.

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What Not To Do

Don’t jump straight back into a new relationship.

You need to be in a good place when you start dating again not reeling in anger at your ex or suffering from sadness and depression. It's possible to stuff your pain for a while but eventually they will seep out into your new relationship.

Expect to be over the grief process quickly.

Work in God’s timing and let this season do its thorough work. Grief is God’s way of healing you and He will use it to make you a stronger, more rounded and whole woman!

Believe you SHOULD NOT be mourning just because he didn't treat you right

He had some good qualities, right? You need to grieve the good and the bad and not expect yourself to be instantly recovered just because the relationship wasn't right for you. Mourn his good points and what hurt and your recovery will be complete.

4. Depression- The "It's really happened" stage.

The realisation that the situation is not going to change sinks in. The break up has happened and there is nothing you can do to bring him or what you had back. Sadness, depression, lack of energy, low moods and tiredness set in as you acknowledge the situation. You withdraw into yourself as you realise the situation isn't going to change. You will find yourself absorbed in reflection at the reality of the relationship ending.

5. Acceptance – The "This is what happened" stage.

You will often go backwards and forwards between the above four stages but eventually you will reach the stage where you accept what has happened.

You can run into your ex, or think of him without feeling sad or angry. You have accepted the situation, you have grown as a person and it's all okay.

You will make it to this stage when you have worked through the above four stages. You may not believe that you will ever get over him and that is normal, especially if you were extremely close. Give you emotions time and in time you will be able to look back knowing you have moved on.