Love Versus Fear

I had some expectations that recovery from the cycle would be quick and sweet. Yet, my heart and mind was going to need God’s unwavering and unconditional love and truth for a very long time for me to grow out of being hooked into destructive relationships.

There comes a time that we mature enough to recognize our needs and meet them appropriately. We no longer spend our time with the wrong sorts but are naturally absorbed with our love walk with God. Growth happens and we shudder at memories of our previous broken relationships and thank God we are no longer there anymore. It’s a comfortable and healing place and a safe one too.

It doesn’t mean that our desires for a partner dies, we just realize that we don’t need to sleep around or behave in desperate ways or put up with the behaviors we thought were necessary to being loved We know better because we have experienced the truth that love satisfies.

We can choose to stop there and not venture back into dating relationships again; rather preferring to wait and see what God brings our way. After all we have learned that God is Sovereign, He guides our paths and protects us from evil and perhaps deep inside we are a little afraid of stepping out of that comfortable place, just in case we do make a wrong choice again.

I faced this fork in the road but I realized that God’s healing was never meant to make me a prisoner of fear. How could I reconcile being a new creature in Christ but fear what man could do to me? Fear could remind me of my previous attempts and failures but God’s remedy for that was boldness. We can step out despite feeling afraid.

My biggest fear was being hurt again but I realized that this fear had made some adjustments in line with my maturity. It was no longer the fear of being abused and mistreated, it was how do I give myself to someone who is healthy and whole but who still has the ability to let me down and hurt me? I knew the theory. Healthy people love but hurt each other at times but in practice how would I handle that? Would I withdraw? Would I treat him as if he was an ex, say guilty and throw him away? Would I protect myself and pull out my guns and hand grenades punishing him in the hope of stopping him from ever doing that again?

As God’s love is perfect and human love never will be, I wanted to know, how do I love someone that is not abusive but still has the capacity to hurt me? (just as I will do)? How do you continue to trust and not fear? I think this is where I graduated in God’s school of life. He had poured out His love and taught me that I was loved despite not being perfect. As my cup filled, I extended that grace to friends and family and learned to walk with and not give up when they let me down or were hard to love at times (just as I can be!).

In the same way, God said that love would do that again in romantic love and be what all other qualities would fail to do. Love would forgive, love would sacrifice, love would over look faults, love would set boundaries, love would make requirements, love would be patient, love would speak the truth and love would endure all things.

If I was ever going to experience a relationship with a man that could love me well, I needed to be ready to make another decision. I would need to choose to love and not live in fear. It’s a choice every woman and man has to make if they are ever going to receive an answer to their prayers for partner.

My fiancé summarized this devotional very well. He said ‘you have to risk being hurt in order to feel being loved. You will always go into a new relationship with fear but the risk can be worth it because of love’.

Are you ready to take that next step?

Love Versus Fear - Written by Joanne Robinson, Copyright Love In Season 2012