Fatal Attractions

If you are caught in a cycle of destructive relationships, you probably could do with a loving affirmation that God loves you and is committed to your recovery and healing. He has made us a wonderful promise of breaking unhealthy attractions and leading us down new paths. These new ways are roads we have not taken before but will show us how to have healthier relationships.

His word says (Isaiah 42:16) NLT

I will lead blind Israel down a new path, guiding them along an unfamiliar way. I will brighten the darkness before them and smooth out the road ahead of them. Yes, I will indeed do these things; I will not forsake them

Isn't that great news? Here a 3 ways in which God wants to change how we experience relationships:

Love Is Patient
Love does not force itself or demand it’s on way. Love is not meant to feel like control and a loss of independence. If your date is consistently demanding his own way this is not a sign of protectiveness or assertiveness. Learn about God’s love and be around people who can respect you and support you.

Love Builds Up
How do you experience your partner? If you are walking on egg shells or have become less confident and outgoing since you met, examine the reasons why. While attraction and chemistry, presents and attention are nice, if your experience of your partner is turning increasingly negative, listen to how you feel. If you are with someone that has many unhealthy traits of character you will eventually start to suffer no matter now attracted you are. You will have lots of good experiences with someone with good values and a sense of calmness, safety, security and stability.

Love Starts Within
What opinion do you have of yourself? Do you lack significance, acceptance, love and belonging? Do you hope to find someone that can give you the things you need? If we have a low opinion of ourselves we can settle for less, put with bad behaviour and find it difficult to trust others. It can lead to unreasonable expectations of others, hoping they will fix our wounds and low self esteem. Let God fill your heart with His love and you will be free to date and meet people who are in a similar place to you.

Read this report to learn more about unhealthy attractions:

Do you attract a type of man that is not good for you? Are you stuck in a cycle of unhealthy attractions? Want to learn how to break free or learn about the early warning signs?

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An educational resource for women of faith preparing for dating and marriage relationships and those recovering from a break up or divorce

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How Will I Know?

10 Ways to Avoid Mr Wrong (pdf)

Abusive behaviour is not the result of you doing something to provoke the attack. Abusive people have a need to gain control and power over their victims, so that their preferences come first. They believe they are entitled to certain privileages that their partner is not.

To understand the different types of abuse, download this pdf file:

P ower & Control Wheel (pdf)

What are some the early warning signs of an unhealthy match? Too much too soon. He pushes for closeness and does not allow you to go at a pace that is comfortable for youChanges expectations or guidelines so that you are left feeling confused as to how to please himHe puts down and speaks disrespectfully of former partners and/or has a negative attitude towards women.He is disrespectful to you and ignores, makes light of, or belittles your complaints.He is controlling/ jealous/ possessive, constantly checks up on you, and/or insists you spend all your free time together.He is prone to anger, unpredictable behaviour, mood swings, anger out of proportion for incidentHe never sees anything as his fault and blames you for the way he behavesHe pressures you to do things or give up important values to meet his wishes and demandsHe is focused on his needs and preferences and ignores your wishesHe is an addict.He has a history of abusing women, violence, and/or criminal activity.He has one set of standards for himself and another for you.Threats of violence, throwing things, smashing items

C omplete the test - Controlling Relationships

Read a chapter from He Loves Me Not?

If you think you are in danger, contact your National Domestic helpline. Find a counsellor who understands the abuse mentality (but do not go for couple counselling) and can help you understand how the abuse works. Speak to someone you can trust and is not going to encourage you to 'turn the other cheek' and put up with the abuse.