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Feedback on How To Prepare to Meet Your Soul Mate - Saturday 5 November 2011

On Saturday, 5th November 2011 myself and co-Trainer Mark run a workshop for Christian singles on the above subject. It was a fantastic day that met our intentions, which was to validate singles desire for a relationship without all the unncessary false guilt and doubts that often go along with it. Singles were able to normalise many of their desires and experiences and work together to see if there were any blocks to receiving God's best.

I believe dating preparation is vital whether you share a faith in God or not, especially as family and relationship values continue to be eroded and boundaries removed about what is healthy relating. If you prepare, when you meet someone you will be better equipped to make a good choice and develop a relationship in a healthy way rather than be ignorant of the challenges that arise in the dating stages. Too often relationship support comes after you have met someone and about to or thinking of marriage. I believe that we are offering that at the wrong time and only validating relationship support when you actually about to get married.

What we are failing to do is supporting Christians in finding a suitable match and preparing them for that process. There is nothing wrong with dating or preparing to date. Marriage too is often seen as a bad choice because so many end in divorce but I believe there is nothing wrong with dating or marriage, it is how people go about creating the dating and marriage relationships that are giving them a bad image.

Think about what it would be like if you where clear about why past relationships didn't work out, what you needed to take owernship of and what you need to not take responsibilty for. Think about if you knew what your personal patterns were, (why you go for certain types and the ways you relate that are great and not so great). Think about if you know how to make choices from your deepest values rather than what looks good in the beginning. Think about boundaries, your ability to say no rather than yes and by this be clear about who you are when you are dating. Think about the deeper issues of the heart, the unhealthy or wounded parts that choose a partner for the wrong reasons but now you know about them, so you can work on them and choose differently.

Think about the rules and beliefs of your own family and how these have created your own personal triggers and perhaps why you react to your date as if they were someone else. Think about being equiped to know when you are blaming your date and when it's your own stuff. Think about your ability to have a good attitude towards the opposite sex and not have a ton of barriers up. Think about your fears of being vulnerable and your ability to build intimacy safely without being preoccupied about being hurt and seen. Think about your own biases, and negative attitudes that if you were aware of would help you give certain people a chance. Often God has already brought people into our lives that would be a good match or sent to help us grow and get ready for the right one but we get 'snobby' because they don't meet our expectations in some way. Think about overcoming negative statements that all men and women are the same because now you have figuired how why you believe that.

Think about if Christian singles were able to get over feeling guilty about their desires, seeing lack everywhere and were recognising that God wants godly marriages and is not against them being married. Think about if we got out of the hole of endless waiting that is not always an active faith but a passive waiting that is keeping too many entering their forties and fifties with bitterness and pain. Believe me, there are so many hurting singles and its not because they dont' love God enough or are not giving enough, like they are often told.

It's for these reasons, why I believe God called me and others to this work. My own history and many others will testify that we need education and support not finger pointing because we have got things wrong in the past, or have been single for too long or keep making the same mistakes.

On Saturday, we had our first opportunity and the shifts, learning and meeting needs was wonderful. The group were totally engaged and able to explore areas that they could not freely do in other settings.

Here is some of the feedback:

Fantastic, absolutely fantastic! Keep it up! 

The honest and realisation that it is okay to embrace our desire to want to be in a relationship. Thank you I’ve really enjoyed today and look forward to growing from the things I have learnt

Very good really excellent workshop. Thank you. Liked the points about

1. ‘we are the person we are looking for’. Made me think about what impression I am giving and what a person would want from me).
2. Is there something in me that is a block to what God wants to do?
3. I feel it was a really useful workshop, many churches would benefit from this

Will definitely want to attend more and will be recommending this to friends

I think you have a future! This course was helpful, encouraging and insightful

Excellent workshop, thought provoking. Good to look at what is important and what you won’t compromise. Think you should continue running this workshop and be interested in others

Meeting others in a similar situation

 If you are a church leader reading this, please be open to the fact that Christian singles need support and hungry for workshops like these. Meet their needs too not just the youth, families and couples.

I am planning on running more workshops next year and the dating manual will also be ready to start training other trainers too.

If you feel this would be of benefit to you or someone in your church or group. Please do past the word out.

You can contact me through www.donnaintera.com or www.loveinseason.net (This is not just for Christian groups, but meeting the needs of all singles).